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Here’s Some Quotes From Our Book That Make Fun Of Dan Gilbert

Here’s Some Quotes From Our Book That Make Fun Of Dan Gilbert published on No Comments on Here’s Some Quotes From Our Book That Make Fun Of Dan Gilbert

whyshouldjackcareIn sympathy to the victims of all the weird shit Dan Gilbert’s been (allegedly/not/whatever you say) pulling, here’s some quotes from our book, Blood Money, that are clearly lampooning him and Quicken Loans. While we do thank him for investing his money in Detroit, we firmly believe Detroit is not a place where he can put up security cameras on other people’s buildings, or censor articles that make fun of him.

This is everyone’s home, dude. You need to respect the other people that live here.

These quotes are from the novel version of Blood Money. If you want to check out the comic version, click here to get it for free.

Scene One

“This is MPR Radio with today’s headlines. Today is Wednesday, December 4th, 2031.

“The Detroit Department of Transportation is considering implementing a light rail system. After previous attempts were thwarted by the relocation of Detroit’s largest industry, Loans International, DDOT says, ‘we are confident enough with the growing population of Detroit to reconsider this option as a viable means for the city.’

“The Motor City is still reeling from the property bubble burst from Loans’ sudden departure, due to student loans and real estate costing both Loans and other financing companies more than 50% of their profits.

“But after ten years of the small but steady repopulation of the Downtown area, previously left largely deserted due to relocating Loans employees, a proposal for the rail has been submitted for the emergency manager’s approval.

“The response to this proposal today came from the Detroit Motor Enthusiasts’ Association, which threatens to sue in order to stop the proposal from moving further into implementation.

“And now, for our editorial.”

 

Scene Two

Before both of them is the Ambassador Bridge and the newly added one from seven years ago, both for public use. The family that owned the Ambassador lost power over it years ago, and since then both have been able to generate enough income to affect Detroit’s bottom line positively. But it came at a cost: the now-faded logo of Loans International hangs over the public crossing. Years ago, it was a beacon of a new Detroit, a new way of thinking, with a figurehead who bought and sold property as he pleased to build morale. The city bet all they had on him then, and almost lost out big when the company eventually had to leave. Now, the sign is just another relic of the past.

 

Scene Three

They pass government offices and the local judicial court next, then two Coney Islands back to back, and then finally reach the center–Campus Martius, which is flanked with buildings that are more suburban and tourist-friendly. Eateries, a fountain with a cafe near it, an ice skating arena. These were all propped up by Loans International years ago, and after years of the people of Detroit recovering from their departure, the Campus managed to carry on without any corporation’s sponsorship (minus their free wifi). The shopping complex, formerly a computer systems office, is just north of them, but they turn away from it and keep straight to head to the other side of downtown.

 

Scene Four

He quickly turns left again even though the intersection he’s at forbids it, and they head into a more run-down area of Detroit, the part still vacated by former employees of Loans International. This unfortunate section fell into disrepair, and landlords who won’t contribute by keeping the area pristine. From there, everything looks the same, save for a freeway that cuts through everything and divides one ghetto from another. Eventually the policeman gives up and turns away. Jack and Juste stop on the street, parking, and rest.

 

You can buy the book here if you want to check it out.

See ya.

-kmg

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